Following allegations that Select Board “Vice Chair” Richard Chaffee contacted Town Counsel over a citizen cutting grass with Highway Department approval, Brookfield officials are allegedly preparing for a catastrophic increase in emergency legal spending
Officials warn the Town Counsel budget could be completely overwhelmed by future community-related emergencies, including:
Someone picking up litter A resident sweeping a sidewalk Unauthorized flower planting Dangerous levels of civic pride A citizen helping without first consulting twelve departmentsTo prepare for these unfolding legal disasters, Brookfield is now launching an emergency “Support the Lawyers” bake sale fundraiser.
However, before selling brownies, cookies, or cupcakes, residents must first:
Obtain Board of Health approval Install a commercial three-bay sink File paperwork with at least six different departments Apply for permits that may or may not exist Wait 4–6 business years for clarification Pay all applicable fees, surcharges, convenience fees, review fees, and fee review feesOfficials say any unauthorized baking activity may result in fines, penalties, and — in severe cases — additional emergency consultation with Town Counsel.
Town leaders are calling the plan a “double win”:
Raise money for legal bills Fine residents to raise even MORE money for legal billsMeanwhile, Brookfield residents are encouraged to remain calm and avoid any sudden acts of community improvement until Town Counsel can determine whether kindness is legally permissible.
(This is SATIRE)