By Maurice LePakery
BROOKFIELD, MA— Just when you thought Brookfield couldn’t get any more innovative, the town unveils its most audacious venture yet: the Brookfield Mega Swine Industrial Complex. Poised for its grand opening next month, this groundbreaking factory pig farm and slaughterhouse nestles between Tasse Propane and the newly opened Al’s Asbestos Outlet. Brookfield is clearly at the precipice of a new era.
In a town where proposed health regulations remain nothing more than a quaint idea, Brookfield has managed to outdo itself once again. “Why would we need big-city regulations when we have big-town spirit?” says an anonymous member of the Board of Health. “This is how we put Brookfield on the map!”
A Nose-to-Tail Approach
The complex promises to utilize every part of the pig, from snout to tail, and even offers a new line of pig-based home fragrances, including “Eau de Bacon” and “Porkchouli.”
Employment Galore!
With over 200 positions available, ranging from Hog Whisperers to Swine Aromatherapists, the complex aims to be Brookfield’s largest employer.
Eau De Brookfield
Concerns about the aromatic impacts of the complex have been briskly dismissed. “Between Al Chrysotile’s asbestos and the Mega Swine & Dine Emporium, we’re crafting a unique scent-scape that epitomizes the essence of Brookfield,” says the Complex’s spokesperson , Grime McOinkerson “Why travel to Paris when you can experience olfactory enlightenment right here?”
Could the Naysayers Have a Point?
While this does represent a bold step into the future for Brookfield, it’s hard to ignore that some members of the community were pressing for health regulations. Their voices now serve as a distant echo warning us that perhaps, just maybe, we should’ve seen this coming.
As Brookfield moves towards an uncharted future, residents are left to ponder: is this the beginning of a new frontier or the end of Brookfield as we know it? But for now, the Brookfield Mega Swine Industrial Complex is here to stay. And remember, if you can’t beat them, join them—for they are now accepting applications!
Benefits : Prime location: Your workspace will be flanked by the town’s most avant-garde enterprises.
**A lifetime supply of bacon (some restrictions may apply).
**Employee discount at Al’s Asbestos Outlet (next door)
**Complimentary earplugs to drown out the sound of joyous pig squeals.